Superman won't return

Notice the date today? It's June 24, 2006, which marked the 2nd year death anniversary of my beloved ex-boyfriend and best friend Jim Karlo. I called him Hon or just Karlo. His death was a tragic one as he was being subjected to a theft in an FX along Remedios Street in Manila. He was stabbed four times as there was dispute among the 4 robbers and him. You are right if you have thought that it was about his mobile phone. Yes, he refused to give it, as well as his wallet, thus this led to an unwanted crime. It was thought that a cardiac tamponade had happened, because his autopsy had shown that his pericardium was struck several inches deep by one stab among the four. I think the other three were somewhere in the abdomen and near the diaphragm. I already forgot.

Anyway, let us go back to that day. My dad just arrived in the morning of that day from Florida, and we had no class since it was a holiday - Manila Day. We texted each other (still in the morning) that he will come visit me in the condo (in Rob Place Faura), since there was nothing to do and we were planning something for our Psych class. Add to that we would be having dinner with my dad. Karlo's from Las Pinas by the way. So he arrived already in Rob at around 3:00 PM. We planned to stay first in Starbucks to have quality time together. Unfortunately, there was no room for us there, so we decided to just roam around until we got to sit ourselves in the food court. Then we transferred to Wendy's. At that time, I had my laptop with me because he needed to finish his paperworks. At Wendy's he treated me and he really ordered a lot. We had one of the burger combos (that includes large fries, iced tea and burger), then 2 frosties for the both of us. He finished his paperworks there, while I was just looking at him the whole time. Seriously, I was just staring at him til he had finished.

At those moments that we were in Rob, I felt really weird, because he was like not talking. He was so silent and we even had a small argument because I was annoying (because it's unnatural for him to be silent), so he was like pissed off. Anyway, we decided to go back to the condo. But I insited him for us to go to the poolside first (in the 7th floor). I wanted to just spend time with him, because my dad is in my pad and we couldn't have private time together there. So there, we stayed in the 7th floor in a while, and I was very worried if what's his feeling at that moment. It was really weird for him to be like so sad and so I asked him what's wrong, and he just said "nothing". I'm a paranoid girl sometimes, so I asked him if it has something to do with me, if he still loves me, bla, bla, bla.. And I think he was more pissed off, and told me that i'm soo makulit. I even cried at that moment. (I guess I'm still makulit until now, that's why bear with me, hehe).

He then told me that we should better go upstairs to meet my dad, and so we did. There my dad was already awake from his rest, and they talked. They have already met several times. The first was in July 2003. Karlo and I were like 5 months together at that time.

Moreover, since we would be preparing some activities for the streetchildren for the next day, we started cutting the red papers into heart shapes. That activity by the way was about self-esteem activity, where these streetchildren, as part of our Psych class, would write the positive things about a person to whom the heart would be given. Anyway, there were some spare red papers, and so we cut them still into smaller heart shapes. He gave me two hearts with something written on them. Awww.. I tell u, he's the sweetest!!! And I'm proud of him, so blessed that he was mine. At that time that we were in my pad, we were already both okay. He was back to his normal mood again- talking to me, smiling and being sweet. Here are the 2 small hearts. Of course, I'm still keep'n them until now.




Hmm... I remembered we again went back to Rob, because we wanted to go to the Netopia to check our mails. Then after that we met my dad in the department store. Since my pad was lacking some kitchen utensils, my dad bought the needed things because he was planning to cook. We then returned to the pad to put back what we purchased. We proceeded to Red Crab in Malate for dinner. I chose that because that was our favorite resto, and we were happy that we had my dad there to treat us. I tell you, we really had fun! My dad let us talk about our plans after our graduation, in about 10 months from that moment (yeah, school year has just started for about 2 weeks). We planned that we would go in US after about a year or two of working in Manila. We would want to work in PGH together for experience. I told my dad that we would move in US together, may be in California, so I would wait for him, unless my visa petition would tell me to go fly first. There were chitchats about engagement rings, and Karlo was joking around about buying one from Tiffany and Co. which is really my dream (Hi to my future man! hahaha..) He really ate a lot too, as in a lot.. Crabs, rice, etc. I recalled that my dad and I were already full, but he was still there, eating voraciously.

In the early evening, he told me that he would go home by 9 PM, however it was raining, and it was like almost 8:30 PM when we reached Red Crab by cab. Of course, we haven't noticed the time and we left the restaurant by like 10 minutes before 10 PM. Since we decided to just walk from the resto to the pad, we happened to see a money exchanger, and my dad had a change. So we like arrived the pad by 10PM.

Karlo then washed his face (he usually does that when he feels he has been exposed to the polluted air of manila, hehe), then grabbed his things. My dad had also planned to let him stay, but Karlo and I told him that he has no apparels at the moment and we had to go to school the next day. My dad was on the phone that time with my sister, which was here in Florida. So Karlo just waved goodbye to my dad, and I sent him to the elevator. While waiting for the elevator to open on our floor, we kissed. It was really you know A kiss. Not just smock or what, but a real kiss. And I hugged him soo tight, that it was like I would not ever see him again. Unfortunately, it became true. That was our last kiss and hug =(

When he left, I printed our Psych paperworks to be submitted the next day. He even told me to print a superman image (he calls himself superman), because he would give it to his alaga (the streetchild Jericho) for the socialization. Oh yeah it was our Psych socialization with the streetchildren the following day. So I printed mine, then his. But at around 10:30, as I was printing his papers, the printer just printed large letters. I was pissed off why it did that. It was the first time my printer acted such kind. I crumpled the papers and threw them without reading what were written, but I knew it was not the same as what were written on his papers. But then after several tries, the printed was fine. Still, I never tried to see what was printed on those papers. I then changed into my pajamas and tried to sleep.

But I kept on waiting and waiting for his text. I even texted him the moment he left, then I asked something about the superman thing for his alaga. But there was no reply, not even one. That was really unusual because everytime he's on the bus or FX, he would let me know. He told me earlier that he would take a bus, and he often did that, because it is only seldom an FX is headed towards Las Pinas. So I waited and it was like 11:30, but still there was no message from him. It made me freaked out, that I even told my dad that Karlo wasn't at home yet. Then my phone rang several minutes later, and it was his name which appeared on my phone. So I answered it and surprisingly it was his mom (his landline number was stored on my phone under his name) telling me that somebody called that Karlo was held up. His mom gave the phone to Karlo's aunt, and his aunt told me that Karlo was in Manila Doctor's Emergency room. You wouldn't want to know my reaction that time. I was really in panic. I changed into jeans and a shirt, and immediately took a cab with my dad towards Madocs. (Ughh.. my heart is feeling tight now as I'm writing this part)..

So, we got into Madocs, and I was looking for Karlo. He wasn't there. I asked the nurse if where was their client named Jim Karlo Calub. Then she asked my name if what's my relationship with him. I told her that I'm the girlfriend, but still she refused to tell me what happened. So I was like, 'Come on, please tell me where he is or what happened.' Then my dad entered the ER. He entered later than me because he payed the cab. My dad did the same thing, he asked the nurse. But when the nurse refused to give information, my had a dad peek at one of the drapes that was behind us. Then he told the nurse, "Wala na talaga?" Then that question has answered that Karlo was gone. It didn't really come into my mind that he's gonna be dead. When I was trying to find him inside the Madocs' ER, I was just expecting him to have small cuts or wounds, and I had imagined him to be just sitting somewhere there and waiting for me. Death was really out of my mind.

You know what was I feeling at that moment? It was shock, that I couldn't cry. I just keep saying, "Ha? Wala na si Karlo? Patay na si Karlo?" I wanted to cry but there were no tears falling from my eyes. It was the worst thing that happened to me. Several incidence flashed back my mind.. the plans we have had were shattered.. no dreams for both of us.. he won't be the father of my children.. =(

If you would ask if I got to take a look of his dead body there in the hospital, the answer is no. I didn't try to look at him, to hug him there in his death bed. I was scared, may be I would faint. I only got to see him when he was being dressed in the morgue, and that time, I cried hard while touching his hard, already cold body. I only got to cry with tears when my friends (my UP barkada) arrived in the hospital. It was creepy that they were all wearing gray shirts, and it was a coincidence. It was like they were in between black and white. After that I insisted to go home in the pad. I didn't like the feeling of being there in the hospital anymore. My friends then followed and there were a lot of people there comforting me.. all my classmates and friends. I didn't have any sleep at all, may be just like 10 minutes of nap.

Ok, I'll stop now. I really don't intend to expound on his funeral days. I'm not feeling good now in writing this. I feel sad. I wish he would let me dream of him tonight. Sigh.. It's been two years. No one can blame me if I still miss him at times, because I admit that he was my life for most of my college years. But I need to move on, and I had become strong with it. My friends and family did not leave me thru it, and so I did it!

I have been able to smile again, to feel that it's not the end of the world. I always tell myself, as my parents would always remind me, that I'm still young, and it was just one of my struggles in life. Yes, that's true. I believe that. Now, after two years, I feel different. I realized that I changed. Of course for the better. I have found who my real friends are. I often smile now and seldom cry for the memories. The experience gave me lessons that I would never ever have learned if these things had not happened. Things may be different if he's still here, but I should not think about those anymore, because no matter what, it will never happen.

For the two years since that incident, I slowly learned that I can move on, that I have friends who love me and never get tired of guiding me and giving me reasons to smile. Hey, good news.. I got another man now who I have learned to love. Yey!!! =) Good thing it never came to my mind to stop believing in love, because ever since, I always know that each of us has a special someone meant for us. I know I couldn't say for now that he's the one. It's up to God. But while I have this relationship, I'm hoping that he will be the one. But I don't deny that sometimes, I get scared of giving all my love for a person, because I somehow fear that I will be left alone again, finding it again very hard to let go and move on.

To Karlo, thank you for every wonderful moment spent with you. There were no regrets, no wasted time. Everything with you was perfect. I cherished you and our memories.


I would like you to know that we pray for you and your parents always, and we know that you're already sitting beside our Father. Good for you, you would not have to endure all these hardships that we're facing right now.

We love you always and keep watching us. =)

See you in time! And you will become my brother.. Hindi na honey, diba Kuya Karlo? hehe.