Thursday, June 29, 2006

Proud to be Pinoy!

It was a long day for me, and it's just today that i have felt again how to be actually busy. This morning, I took a long drive in Davie to sit on my IELTS exam (an English exam which contains 4 tests - listening, reading, writing and speaking). I left home at around 7:15 AM. The weather was great, no heavy traffic to mind. I entered the Talk International office in Nova Southeastern University at around 8:10 AM, a little too early for the exam (9 AM- scheduled start), but way better than to be late. I thought I was the earliest, but nope. And I haven't thought that I would be seeing a lot of Pinoys in there, and your guess is right.. they're all for fulfilling one of their requirements for their visascreen certificates, but if you think they're all nurses? Nah.. You're wrong. Two of them were Med tech too.

I didn't expect that this day was a chance to meet people actually. During the early registration, we began talking and asking if from where we are exactly here in US. Of course, I started conversing with a Pinay, who happened to be a Cebuano and came from Mindanao too. It was surprising to know that she is from Chicago. But why travel when in fact you have there an IELTS location? It is because the next slot for the IELTS exam in her state is going to be in September, and that's way too long for her to wait. Her companion, on the other hand, is from Georgia. That time, I really told myself that I was lucky I just drove for less than an hour, and did not spend some bucks for the plane fare from another state, plus the expense of having a hotel. There were still a lot of other Filipinos there and meeting them was entirely fascinating, because I felt at ease and it was like that the sense of being in a community was there.

There were Koreans too. I tell you, there were a lot! Hmm..nurses too! haha. I think the quantity more or less equalled with those of the Filipinos. The same thing, they came from different states. I talked with one Korean, who travelled from New Jersey and she had a flight back there at 5:10 PM after her speaking part. I didn't know if she was able to reschedule her interview though, because 4:20 was the one assigned to her. I hope she did. Anyways, the Koreans I have met there were quite nervous because they perceived that their English is poor, and they complemented us Filipinos to be really good at it. About that matter, I can just say that the Filipinos do have a good background with English, because most schools in our country, if not all, use English as the medium of instruction. I know Koreans are good too, it just depends on practice I think.


During the exam, I was seated next to an American named Brooke. She is a traveling nurse, and she needs to pass this exam for her to be able to get to work in UK. How funny is that huh? She's an American, yet she still needs to take this test. Of course, she would have no problem in the speaking part. But I was really glad that she was my seatmate because after our exam, we did had fun and I didn't get bored. We finished the first 3 parts at around 12:30 PM, and my interview was scheduled at 3:40 (which was actually delayed, I was able to enter by around 4:30). Goin back, I spent lunch with Brooke, Ate Nida (a fellow Filipina who still came from Orlando) and Vanessa. We ate in an Italian restaurant (yummy food!!! I got chicken parmigiana and their garlic rolls were really gooood!!!)

Vanessa, by the way, is from Panama, who happens to decide that she would take her IELTS here in Florida. YES! Here in FL and not in some places near her country. It is because the nearest site where she can take the test in her country (I forgot where. I think Colombia, which she doesn't want to take chances with because it's somehow dangerous in there) charges $300 for the IELTS ($140 here in US). She has then decided to visit her friends here in Miami, so it was like a double purpose travel; plus she gets a discount for a student fare. She's a 23-year old architect in Panama and she will be having her masters in UK, thus she seeks to pass this test. Both she and Brooke were a good catch today, because I have learned a lot about them; especially Vanessa who talked about the World Cup. She said that it's really like a religion there in her country, where people took some off from work so not to miss the game. There's more that she said about their culture, and I was amazed by it. She had good English too, even though she speaks Spanish back there in her country. That's why she and Brooke really were great help to practice my speaking ability before I came face to face with the British council representative. And of course, Ate Nida and I had our share of how beautiful Philippines is, relating too about the culture and the people.

So much for today. We ended the day with a smile, even though we carried the burden of waiting for the results. And as for these three girls I have had lunch with, we exchanged each others' e-mail addresses. I'll keep'n touch with them. Who knows we will meet again someday right? I may say in UK, where Vanessa and Brooke will be the ones welcoming me. Indeed it was a tiring day, yet so much learning, both from the test itself and from meeting people of varied cultures. It made me just say that I'm proud to be Pinoy!!! =)

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Having Older Brothers Increases a Man's Odds of Being Gay


Source:
Science News from Scientific American
June 27, 2006

The number of biological older brothers a boy's mother has carried--whether they live with him in the same household or not--affects his chances of being gay. The findings, reported this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, by Anthony Bogaert of Brock University, lend credence to the theory that it's not the social or rearing factors that influence a man's sexual orientation, but rather prenatal mechanisms that begin in the womb.

The idea that prenatal mechanisms may influence sexual orientation has been around for a couple of decades. In 1996, Bogaert along with colleague Ray Blanchard correlated sexual orientation in men with the number of older brothers, but it wasn't clear if that influence was occurring because the boys shared the same household or because they had shared the same womb.

In the new study, Bogaert pitted prenatal against postnatal by examining four samples of homosexual and heterosexual men, for a total of 944 participants. The data for three of the samples had been collected previously, and included detailed information about the men's sexual orientation, as well as their family life. Because most of the men from these three study groups came from unbroken families, Bogaert looked at a fourth group, composed of men who had been adopted or raised with half- or step-siblings. He also gathered data from this group about how long members lived with each sibling and whether they had brothers or sisters with whom they had never lived.


He reasoned that if the social or rearing factor theories were correct, he would expect to see certain things. First, it wouldn't matter whether a gay man's older brothers had been biologically related or not, the social influence would be there. Second, the amount of time the young boy lived with his older brothers, biological or not, should affect his sexual orientation. Third, if the boy did not live with older brothers, then the numbers should not impact his sexual preference.

Bogaert found the opposite to be true. First, he found that only the number of biological older brothers predicted sexual orientation in men--even when the number of non-biological older brothers was significantly higher. Second, his study showed that the amount of time reared with older brothers--either related or not--did not predict a young boy's becoming homosexual. And surprisingly, Bogaert discovered that even if a young man did not grow up in the same house as his older brothers, the fact that he had older biological brothers increased his odds of being gay.

The fact that the common denominator between the older and younger biological brothers is the mother hints at a prenatal influence on sexual orientation. What it could be is still a mystery. But one theory suggests that after delivering a boy, a woman's immune system produces antibodies to male-specific proteins. During subsequent pregnancies the mother's placenta may deliver the antibodies to the fetus, possibly affecting its development. --Tracy Staedter

More thoughts

When is love love?
There is nothing wrong in loving someone. You may be able to bear the pain when love begins to hurt and when it hurts, you may still be able to give even more. You may even be able to love til it hurts no more. But what good does it bring you when the person you love shows no respect for what you feel and makes lame excuses for his or her inability to love you back?

Love is not love til you give it away.

But love will only have life when it is shared by two people who believe in its meaning.

A Sad love thought
Loving is a lot like watching a 20-minute fireworks display.. Exciting, emotional, romantic, sweet, memorable. But it also ends as dramatic as it begins to fade slowly into thin air. As much as you want to keep watching, there's nothing you can do to make it stay. In the end, all that's left is a starless night and the fact that in this life, good things never seem to last.

-- ang bitter naman ng quote na to. Well, I believe that this is not always the case. May be after all, the person who thought of this has not yet found his true love.

Monday, June 26, 2006

ErnestTravel

Our family enrolled in a new business last Saturday. It's a travel network under YTB and in this business, we will be having our own travel network on a website. We decided to name it ErnestTravel, from the name of my dad Ernesto. With ErnestTravel, anyone can book their flights, book for hotels, rent a car, cruises, and a lot more. Vacation packages with great deals are being feautured too. It's a good business, wherein the owner becomes a certified travel agent. We attended the seminar last Saturday and as travel agents, it is a lifetime business for us and we can also get several benefits, like discounts for future travels, then priorities for most bookings. This ErnestTravel of YTB is just like the big companies of Expedia and Orbitz, and what's great about it is that these travel networks generally offer the same prices and the same feautures. It is really the company name that differentiates between them.

I ask you for support in ErnestTravel. Start booking your trips and hotels here now. You will surely find it easy to search what you're looking for.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Superman won't return

Notice the date today? It's June 24, 2006, which marked the 2nd year death anniversary of my beloved ex-boyfriend and best friend Jim Karlo. I called him Hon or just Karlo. His death was a tragic one as he was being subjected to a theft in an FX along Remedios Street in Manila. He was stabbed four times as there was dispute among the 4 robbers and him. You are right if you have thought that it was about his mobile phone. Yes, he refused to give it, as well as his wallet, thus this led to an unwanted crime. It was thought that a cardiac tamponade had happened, because his autopsy had shown that his pericardium was struck several inches deep by one stab among the four. I think the other three were somewhere in the abdomen and near the diaphragm. I already forgot.

Anyway, let us go back to that day. My dad just arrived in the morning of that day from Florida, and we had no class since it was a holiday - Manila Day. We texted each other (still in the morning) that he will come visit me in the condo (in Rob Place Faura), since there was nothing to do and we were planning something for our Psych class. Add to that we would be having dinner with my dad. Karlo's from Las Pinas by the way. So he arrived already in Rob at around 3:00 PM. We planned to stay first in Starbucks to have quality time together. Unfortunately, there was no room for us there, so we decided to just roam around until we got to sit ourselves in the food court. Then we transferred to Wendy's. At that time, I had my laptop with me because he needed to finish his paperworks. At Wendy's he treated me and he really ordered a lot. We had one of the burger combos (that includes large fries, iced tea and burger), then 2 frosties for the both of us. He finished his paperworks there, while I was just looking at him the whole time. Seriously, I was just staring at him til he had finished.

At those moments that we were in Rob, I felt really weird, because he was like not talking. He was so silent and we even had a small argument because I was annoying (because it's unnatural for him to be silent), so he was like pissed off. Anyway, we decided to go back to the condo. But I insited him for us to go to the poolside first (in the 7th floor). I wanted to just spend time with him, because my dad is in my pad and we couldn't have private time together there. So there, we stayed in the 7th floor in a while, and I was very worried if what's his feeling at that moment. It was really weird for him to be like so sad and so I asked him what's wrong, and he just said "nothing". I'm a paranoid girl sometimes, so I asked him if it has something to do with me, if he still loves me, bla, bla, bla.. And I think he was more pissed off, and told me that i'm soo makulit. I even cried at that moment. (I guess I'm still makulit until now, that's why bear with me, hehe).

He then told me that we should better go upstairs to meet my dad, and so we did. There my dad was already awake from his rest, and they talked. They have already met several times. The first was in July 2003. Karlo and I were like 5 months together at that time.

Moreover, since we would be preparing some activities for the streetchildren for the next day, we started cutting the red papers into heart shapes. That activity by the way was about self-esteem activity, where these streetchildren, as part of our Psych class, would write the positive things about a person to whom the heart would be given. Anyway, there were some spare red papers, and so we cut them still into smaller heart shapes. He gave me two hearts with something written on them. Awww.. I tell u, he's the sweetest!!! And I'm proud of him, so blessed that he was mine. At that time that we were in my pad, we were already both okay. He was back to his normal mood again- talking to me, smiling and being sweet. Here are the 2 small hearts. Of course, I'm still keep'n them until now.


Memory


Hmm... I remembered we again went back to Rob, because we wanted to go to the Netopia to check our mails. Then after that we met my dad in the department store. Since my pad was lacking some kitchen utensils, my dad bought the needed things because he was planning to cook. We then returned to the pad to put back what we purchased. We proceeded to Red Crab in Malate for dinner. I chose that because that was our favorite resto, and we were happy that we had my dad there to treat us. I tell you, we really had fun! My dad let us talk about our plans after our graduation, in about 10 months from that moment (yeah, school year has just started for about 2 weeks). We planned that we would go in US after about a year or two of working in Manila. We would want to work in PGH together for experience. I told my dad that we would move in US together, may be in California, so I would wait for him, unless my visa petition would tell me to go fly first. There were chitchats about engagement rings, and Karlo was joking around about buying one from Tiffany and Co. which is really my dream (Hi to my future man! hahaha..) He really ate a lot too, as in a lot.. Crabs, rice, etc. I recalled that my dad and I were already full, but he was still there, eating voraciously.

In the early evening, he told me that he would go home by 9 PM, however it was raining, and it was like almost 8:30 PM when we reached Red Crab by cab. Of course, we haven't noticed the time and we left the restaurant by like 10 minutes before 10 PM. Since we decided to just walk from the resto to the pad, we happened to see a money exchanger, and my dad had a change. So we like arrived the pad by 10PM.

Karlo then washed his face (he usually does that when he feels he has been exposed to the polluted air of manila, hehe), then grabbed his things. My dad had also planned to let him stay, but Karlo and I told him that he has no apparels at the moment and we had to go to school the next day. My dad was on the phone that time with my sister, which was here in Florida. So Karlo just waved goodbye to my dad, and I sent him to the elevator. While waiting for the elevator to open on our floor, we kissed. It was really you know A kiss. Not just smock or what, but a real kiss. And I hugged him soo tight, that it was like I would not ever see him again. Unfortunately, it became true. That was our last kiss and hug =(

When he left, I printed our Psych paperworks to be submitted the next day. He even told me to print a superman image (he calls himself superman), because he would give it to his alaga (the streetchild Jericho) for the socialization. Oh yeah it was our Psych socialization with the streetchildren the following day. So I printed mine, then his. But at around 10:30, as I was printing his papers, the printer just printed large letters. I was pissed off why it did that. It was the first time my printer acted such kind. I crumpled the papers and threw them without reading what were written, but I knew it was not the same as what were written on his papers. But then after several tries, the printed was fine. Still, I never tried to see what was printed on those papers. I then changed into my pajamas and tried to sleep.

But I kept on waiting and waiting for his text. I even texted him the moment he left, then I asked something about the superman thing for his alaga. But there was no reply, not even one. That was really unusual because everytime he's on the bus or FX, he would let me know. He told me earlier that he would take a bus, and he often did that, because it is only seldom an FX is headed towards Las Pinas. So I waited and it was like 11:30, but still there was no message from him. It made me freaked out, that I even told my dad that Karlo wasn't at home yet. Then my phone rang several minutes later, and it was his name which appeared on my phone. So I answered it and surprisingly it was his mom (his landline number was stored on my phone under his name) telling me that somebody called that Karlo was held up. His mom gave the phone to Karlo's aunt, and his aunt told me that Karlo was in Manila Doctor's Emergency room. You wouldn't want to know my reaction that time. I was really in panic. I changed into jeans and a shirt, and immediately took a cab with my dad towards Madocs. (Ughh.. my heart is feeling tight now as I'm writing this part)..

So, we got into Madocs, and I was looking for Karlo. He wasn't there. I asked the nurse if where was their client named Jim Karlo Calub. Then she asked my name if what's my relationship with him. I told her that I'm the girlfriend, but still she refused to tell me what happened. So I was like, 'Come on, please tell me where he is or what happened.' Then my dad entered the ER. He entered later than me because he payed the cab. My dad did the same thing, he asked the nurse. But when the nurse refused to give information, my had a dad peek at one of the drapes that was behind us. Then he told the nurse, "Wala na talaga?" Then that question has answered that Karlo was gone. It didn't really come into my mind that he's gonna be dead. When I was trying to find him inside the Madocs' ER, I was just expecting him to have small cuts or wounds, and I had imagined him to be just sitting somewhere there and waiting for me. Death was really out of my mind.

You know what was I feeling at that moment? It was shock, that I couldn't cry. I just keep saying, "Ha? Wala na si Karlo? Patay na si Karlo?" I wanted to cry but there were no tears falling from my eyes. It was the worst thing that happened to me. Several incidence flashed back my mind.. the plans we have had were shattered.. no dreams for both of us.. he won't be the father of my children.. =(

If you would ask if I got to take a look of his dead body there in the hospital, the answer is no. I didn't try to look at him, to hug him there in his death bed. I was scared, may be I would faint. I only got to see him when he was being dressed in the morgue, and that time, I cried hard while touching his hard, already cold body. I only got to cry with tears when my friends (my UP barkada) arrived in the hospital. It was creepy that they were all wearing gray shirts, and it was a coincidence. It was like they were in between black and white. After that I insisted to go home in the pad. I didn't like the feeling of being there in the hospital anymore. My friends then followed and there were a lot of people there comforting me.. all my classmates and friends. I didn't have any sleep at all, may be just like 10 minutes of nap.

Ok, I'll stop now. I really don't intend to expound on his funeral days. I'm not feeling good now in writing this. I feel sad. I wish he would let me dream of him tonight. Sigh.. It's been two years. No one can blame me if I still miss him at times, because I admit that he was my life for most of my college years. But I need to move on, and I had become strong with it. My friends and family did not leave me thru it, and so I did it!

I have been able to smile again, to feel that it's not the end of the world. I always tell myself, as my parents would always remind me, that I'm still young, and it was just one of my struggles in life. Yes, that's true. I believe that. Now, after two years, I feel different. I realized that I changed. Of course for the better. I have found who my real friends are. I often smile now and seldom cry for the memories. The experience gave me lessons that I would never ever have learned if these things had not happened. Things may be different if he's still here, but I should not think about those anymore, because no matter what, it will never happen.

For the two years since that incident, I slowly learned that I can move on, that I have friends who love me and never get tired of guiding me and giving me reasons to smile. Hey, good news.. I got another man now who I have learned to love. Yey!!! =) Good thing it never came to my mind to stop believing in love, because ever since, I always know that each of us has a special someone meant for us. I know I couldn't say for now that he's the one. It's up to God. But while I have this relationship, I'm hoping that he will be the one. But I don't deny that sometimes, I get scared of giving all my love for a person, because I somehow fear that I will be left alone again, finding it again very hard to let go and move on.

To Karlo, thank you for every wonderful moment spent with you. There were no regrets, no wasted time. Everything with you was perfect. I cherished you and our memories.

Memory

I would like you to know that we pray for you and your parents always, and we know that you're already sitting beside our Father. Good for you, you would not have to endure all these hardships that we're facing right now.

We love you always and keep watching us. =)

See you in time! And you will become my brother.. Hindi na honey, diba Kuya Karlo? hehe.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Speed dating

Speed Dating

Are you single but too busy to search for love? Then you need to try the latest dating phenomenon that is sweeping across the UK - speed dating.


Speed dating involves men and women meeting in a room and finding out as much as they can about possible partners in three minutes. It's proving very popular with Britain's young people who find that they haven't got the time to meet that special one.

At a speed dating event you are given three minutes to talk, one on one, with a member of the opposite sex. Then a bell is rung and you move to another person and start chatting again. By the end of the evening you will have spoken with up to twenty men or women!

If, by the end of a conversation, you fancy the person or would like to see them again, you write it down on a card. Then, if the other person also fancies you, the organisers will contact you with their details.But is three minutes long enough to make an impression and work out if you want to see someone again? Research suggests that chemistry can be felt within the first thirty seconds of meeting someone, and that is what speed dating is all about, knowing quickly if you are going to like someone.

And what about romance? Is it possible to make a good judgment in such a short time? After all, people say you can't hurry love. However, Britain will soon have its first marriage from a speed date.

So, if you are on a mission to find Mr or Miss Right, what have you got to lose? At worst, you still go home on your own. But at best, the person of your dreams could be just three minutes away.



Source:
BBC Website




Am i or Am i not?

I'm just contemplating this morning while lying on my bed. I can't help to ask myself if i am a great girlfriend or not. Am i any good in handling relationships? Paminsan feeling ko kase hindi ako okay as a gf, sobrang matampuhin ko. Kawawa naman yung boyfriend ko. Pero hindi naman ako nang-aaway kase ayoko talaga ng away. Hindi ko talaga nature magalit. Siguro sensitive lang ako and yun nga matampuhin. Pero pag may tampuhan gusto ko din kagad resolved na. Kaya sinasabi ko kagad pag nagtatampo ako, and then after that, I feel ok na. But still, I keep on thinking if my boyfriend deserves a girlfriend like me. Kase ako nalang lagi nagtatampo or nagseselos. I have never seen him jealous (sabagay wala namang dapat pagselosan) or wala akong maalalang instance na nagtampo siya. Nagalit siguro oo. Hindi ako nagpapakaself-pity ha. Sometimes I just think that I can be a better girlfriend. I can be less sensitive, emotional and all.

True enough I take my relationships seriously because once I entered into one, I consider it always as The One, which I will have for the rest of my life. Diba yun naman dapat. You enter a relationship or a commitment and you do your best to have it worked out and make it last forever. Well I know that would not be always the case, pero yun talaga yung reason why you commit right, kase mahal mo and gusto mo maglast. There's no room for me to play or 'collect and select' as some people say. I know for a fact that my first relationship didn't turn out well, because I was too young then and high school pa lang ako nun, long distance pa and I was really adjusting in college. Sad nga lang, medyo hindi kami friends kase wala ng communication since then. But hey, I would be glad if I would hear from him para friends ulit. The second one I have had was with Karlo. If you saw me that time, you can see me soo happy and full of love. But he was not my destiny, which I thought he would be. We were really sure back then that we are meant for each other. We had plans. Everything was planned accordingly. But sad to say, we were not meant to be. He left the mortal world 2 years ago, June 24, because of those greedy people (oh, they're not people.. they're stupid, ignorant members of Satan's troop ) who didn't mind taking people's lives as long as they satisfy their wants.


Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that ngayon ko lang talaga natanong sa sarili ko kung ok kaya ako as a girlfriend. Ngayon lang ako napaisip talaga nang ganito. Of course, I have always evaluated myself in my past relationships, but it's just now that I really really have given the thought if I can be any better. May be he doesn't deserve me coz hindi ako marunong maghandle ng relationship ko ngayon, lalo na long distance ulit. Ugghh.. I'm really sorry hal.. He has been patient to me and I guess I'm very lucky, or shall i say, blessed to have him just there, always keep'n up and bearing with me, for my countless complaints and "tampo". Thank you hal.

And I just wanna let my boyfriend know that I'm trying my very best to be a good significant other, and that I love him, really. And I feel bad if he often apologizes to me, because everytime na nag-aapologize sya, feeling ko ang sama-sama ko. Kase parang eto na naman ako, nagtatampo and may nakikitang hindi ako sang-ayon. I think I need to loosen up a bit right? Yeah.. I think so. Kase ako din ang kawawa. And I'm really scared now of being left hanging when I'm still so much in love... Kaya siguro.

the here and now of love

We can love someone and just be happy about it even if we know that it cannot last forever. It is not about having someone. It is not about owning a relationship. Rather it is just about being happy because you know you have loved someone. There is a purpose and meaning behind all these events, and this purpose and meaning develop you as a person and a lover. Whatever relationships you have in your life now, they are precisely the ones you need at this moment.

author: anonymous

Thursday, June 22, 2006

My love update
Hmmm.. I had a good start of the day today having a very nice conversation with the boyfriend. It feels great that he has taken time to text me much longer today, because he's not busy at all. He has this three-day off, however with regular half-day meetings. But still I'm happy for him because last week he has a tight schedule, which in a way, has also compromised our communication. It's today that I have really felt that he's just there for me, always. Basta, I'm just soooo happy! No one's gonna destroy this day.. no one.

The Movie
Last night, my sister and I watched The Omen along with Tim and Laura, her two best friends. It was not really scary, it just freaked us out. There were some scenes that would startle you, and tend you to scream. It was also creepy that you will realize that the devil has won in that movie. The verses in the Revelation have been translated and you can associate them with what's happening around us nowadays; but for me it's always our faith in God who can save us. It is very important to confess and take the Holy communion everytime we go to mass, because it's one way that we are accepting Jesus.

Whenever I watch scary movies like that, I usually do the common things that people do. You know what I mean, like putting your hand(s) around your eyes but still peeking thru it. Haha. Then you will feel goosebumps. Anyway, after that movie, as we were heading towards the car in the parking lot, the windshield wipers of the Prius were raised, the ones on the front exterior. That was crazy. I mean who the hell did that? Then I just unknowingly said to Laura, "Oh men" and I realized we just watched The 'Oh-Men', haha! We were laughing our asses off. I told my sister to be careful because she was the one driving, and we were like, "hey stop at the stop sign" coz she was not doing it 'coz according to her no one's around. But that's the rule - to always stop at the stop sign even if there's no car nearby. It was a fun night, and good thing the car was not scratched or something or else our parents are gonna kill us. And by the way, it was an R-18 movie, that's why they wanted me to be there just in case an ID is needed to be checked. User!!! hahaha.. But then, I enjoyed and at least had something to do for the night. I'll be with these guys for the Orlando trip too on the 6th of July until the 11th. It's a good warm-up of hanging out with them right? Can't wait for the trip!!!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Senti

Ang saya ko ngayong araw, wala lang.. Last week talaga parang gumuho ang mundo ko. Sobrang lungkot ko to the point na hindi mo madadrawing yung mukha ko. Nah, hindi naman siguro.. exagg naman yun. Magaling naman kase ako magtago ng problema. Marunong pa rin akong ngumiti kahit na deep inside eh sobrang hurt na. Pero minsan nasa dalawa lang din yan. Maaaring nasa loob lang ako ng kwarto ko buong araw o di kaya magyayayang lumabas para maging busy. Pero pag may problema, ayoko talagang ipinatatagal pa. Gusto ko resolved na kagad as much as possible.

Well, nakikita ko nga mga changes sa akin ngayon eh, and medyo natutuwa naman ako. Kase dati, talagang hindi ko nasasabi yung mga saloobin ko. Sobrang itinatago ko lang lahat at inaantay kong mawala. Pero masarap pala yung feeling na nasasabi mo lahat noh, kase para kang nabubunutan ng tinik. Hay, nagiging mature na nga talaga.

Pag bored ka nga naman, ang dami mong puwedeng isipin. Nakakapraning talaga. Kahit hindi ko naman dapat isipin, eh naiisip ko. Hay... Pero at least, ok na ako ngayon and medyo masaya na. Medyo lang kase namimiss ko pa rin si Jed. Nakakalungkot ang layo namin. Ang hirap. Gusto mong yakapin yung mahal mo, kaso hindi mo magawa. Gusto mong manuod ng sine kasama sya, kaso hindi naman pupuwede =( Nakakaiyak lang minsan. Pero siyempre ganun talaga, iniisip ko na lang With love and patience, nothing is impossible, sabi nga ni Daisaku Ikeda. Sana bumilis din ang oras. Tsaka sana talaga makakapag-antay ang bawat isa. Kaya naman sa kung kaya. Ang kinatatakot ko lang eh baka may mainip o baka may sumuko, o di kaya'y baka may makatagpo ng panibagong magpupuno ng pagkukulang. Ayoko naman sana mangyari yun. Basta ang alam ko lang habang may pagmamahal nga, kaya. At tsaka optimistic naman ako doon.

Eto nasesenti ako, kase yung pinakikinggan kong music eh senti. hehe. Pero yun lang, share ko lang naman. Miss ko na sya!!!! Ahhhhhhhh....

Sunday, June 18, 2006

More Thoughts

  1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
  2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
  3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
  4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
  5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
  6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
  7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
  8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
  9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
  10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
  11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around
  12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
  13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

    REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

SHOPPING
Ha! yesterday was a blast! Sarap!!! Nagshopping kami ng sisters ko... Pero di naman naubos ang pera ko. We went to Boca mall, just the three of us. 'Twas fun, but our feet hurt after like 4 hours of walking around. Tapos mga more or less 10 stores lang ang napasukan namin, out of like more or less a hundred.. hehe.. It was sale on the mall, that's why.. And it was first time that all the stuffs that I have bought were on sale, as in lahat. Kaya no regrets, and at least I was able to treat myself after striving hard to pass NCLEX, and after months of locking myself in the house, lols.. There was one Oakley shades there that I really really wanna buy, (actually yun talaga yung purpose ko bat ako nagyaya pumunta ng Boca, it's like 30-min drive away from our city, para sana bilhin yun..) but it's $120-$145. I said to myself, that I can buy more stuffs than just that one oakley shades. Eh di ayos.. May nabili akong shades, $24.50, and I was surprised that it was buy one get one free! Yahoo!!! ayos talaga.. eh di dalawa na kagad yung shades. and mas marami pa kong mabibili... next time nalang yung oakley, kapag talagang makakapagwork na talaga ako dito as RN, hehehe..


LIFETIME FRIENDS
Chippy and Tintin, my two best friends, just hung up from YM after the three of us chatted via Voice Messenger. Ooops, kami lang pala ni chippy yung via voice. Tin wasn't able to install her voice messenger yet, so type pa kami ni chippy with her sa YM. Pero ang saya. Dami namin napag-usapan. We're so far (Tin in Manila, Chippy in Mindanao, Me here in Florida) yet it feels that we're so near (haha o diba.. Technology talaga).

Anyways, we made an agreement that we gotta chat twice a month, the three of us plus Mimi and Girl. Every first and last saturday of the month daw. Talaga lang ha.. Flipgirls daw name namin, san kaya nanggaling yun? Pauso ba? heheh. But the best side of the story is that we're still keeping in touch and making our friendship alive. We've been friends for like 16 years already. =) They are the ones who really know the real me... from kindergarten when I was so shy then, and often cries in school to the Kating now, who became confident, quite adventurous and knows how to have fun. Life is fast and i'm just happy that there are people who still stick with me no matter what. Thanks to you mga miga. You are the best! I love you all!!! =)


Here's one compilation of our pic...

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a18/kating16/tin6.jpg

Friday, June 16, 2006

Just a thought

Just because my eyes don't tear does not mean my heart does not cry.
And just because I come out strong does not mean there is nothing wrong.
Often I choose to pretend I'm happy so I don't have to explain myself to people who would never understand. Smiling has always been easier than explaining why I'm sad.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Lonely...


Do you know how much more lonely it is to never be lonely and always feel lonely?


-- Katie Holmes in The first daughter

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Missing my friends

Nakakamiss ang mga kaibigan sa Pilipinas. Last week pala, nagchat kami nina Liway, Max and Alex sa YM! Nakakatuwa kase we had a conference, and each of us has a mic, so parang 4-way kaming apat. Sayang wala yung iba... Pano kaya kung buong barkada noh? eh di ang gulo, haha! Malabo nga lang mangyari yun kase 12 kaming lahat. hehe. Ayun, kung anu-ano ang napapag-usapan namin, mga updates ng buhay-buhay. Tatlo na din pala kami sa barkada ang nakapasa sa NCLEX, pero si Max pa lang ang pupuwedeng magtrabaho.

Si Roch naman na girlfriend ni Alex, nasa California, and magwowork na rin. Si Alex malapit na din once ok na ang IELTS. Ako, hindi ko pa alam ang kapalaran ko, kung uuwi pa ako ng Pilipinas. Bahala na si Lord dun. Ipinagdarasal ko na lang na ibigay Nya na lang kung anong best.

May ginawa pala akong testi kay Jed dati, ang cute, hehe.. Wala kase talagang magawa.. Namimiss ko na din siya..

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Hay.. nakakamiss lang. Nakakalungkot talaga pag walang kaibigan dito.
Namimiss ko din ang barkada ko - sina Tintin, Mimi, Girl and Chippy. Iba talaga pag sila yung kasama ko, imagine we have our friendship and it's still strong for about 17 years already. They are the best. Sana eh pumunta si Chippy dito ngayong year. Conflict kase sa sched nya, pinayagan na sana siya ni ninang.

Siyempre, namimiss ko din ang company nina Hiyas, Ted, Cat, Astrid and Colet. Sana ok silang lahat and sana andito na din sila. Siguro ang saya nun noh. I'm positive that in time talaga..

Seeking crystal

Seeking Crystal


Just as I look at the sky so gloomy outside
Pouring hard rain upon my blurry windows
So is my heart filled with trepidation
Wary but becoming numb with each passing day


Bewildered often times
I doubted your words, your feelings for me
Which of it is true..
Do you love me because you really do?
Or you just declare it because you appreciate my love for you


So much for conveying the flowery words
If your heart senses no genuine amour at all
I do not want to be a fool for love
Rather I hunger for the truth
For someone who is worthy of my affection


In my nature there is no place for madness
I can always be your friend, your confidante
My desire is plain and simple
That both of us will acquire bliss
And to remain sparkingly contented


So hold not the words on your tongue
Speak them out crystal clear
The truth indeed will set us free
And even give our love more strength and health...

...Love that no one can devour it at all, except us
That if we are meant to be...
Destined to be in the eyes of God

Monday, June 12, 2006

on beauty pageants

I was surfing the net last night, and I have come across a site where it said that the Miss Universe pageant will be held here in USA, in LA particulary, this coming July 23 in Shrine Auditorium. Pageants always attract me since I was a kid, but I was never able to enter into one, because I was a very very chubby girl and uber shy. lols... Anyways, I wanna watch that search, because it's just in LA and the thought of supporting my fellow Filipina and UPian will be an exciting bullet for my summer. But mom said that it may take a lot of bucks from our pockets, which I think it would be, coz it's an international pageant. But come to think of it, it would really be a privilege to witness it right, imagine you would also have to dress elegantly. Ughh, I just miss dressing and fixing myself. When you are just bummed inside the house, there's no reason to try to groom yourself at its best. After you take a bath, you simply put on a big t-shirt and shorts. Yeah comfy but boring, especially if you feel that this becomes a routine for about a year. Ughhh!!!

Going back to the pageant, tickets will be going on sale soon at this site --
http://www.missuniverse.com/mainevent/tickets.html. Hmm... let's check it out then from time to time to see how much it is. Even though we're not watching. But who knows right? haha. asa pa..

I have this friend too, named Jasmin from Connecticut. Her myspace profile states that she's joining the Miss Teen Philippines USA in August, representing her state. It was in 1999 since the last time I saw her. I may ask her later if where is the competition. I hope she would win, coz she's beautiful and smart. I'm so proud of her.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Hayyy life

Yey! Jed passed his IELTS already! I'm so happy and proud of him. He got high scores, no doubt about that because I know he's good. We talked yesterday too, on the phone after about a week. His duties last week in Philippine heart center were almost all morning shifts and those were 12 hours to count, so whenever he reached home, it's bedtime already. That's why I was happy that I've got the chance to talk things out with him, catching up with his busy life. Not me coz in any case, I have not become busy yet, here in FL. I hope I will soon.. I can't wait to work.

There were some things that scare me these days. Imagining situations that can really be a block to one's happiness. Yeah those were my imagination, but it can happen actually. Things may go crazy one way or another and I have to be strong about it. I'm thinking about my priorities and for such things, I have my plans. Only the hope of fulfilling those plans is left here inside me and I leave them all to God. I just wish that my will in life do coincide with God's will. Hayyy.. life is complicated but I always do consider it as a challenge, a battle I know I can get through.

For those who cannot understand.... I'm talking about life in general here.. and also my love life. This morning when I woke up, I just reminisced my past relationships. And I remembered Erikson.. haha. Stage of Intimacy vs Isolation - that's my stage now. Whew!!! I know that at this stage now, I'm trying to work on my relationships with people. With my boyfriend, the distance is hard. Sometimes I get praning of what he's thinking about me, especially that he's busy with work. But I don't doubt him of any third parties and all those things, because I trust him and I know that it's not his thing. I just worried if he still feels the same way, you know.. Why do girls tend to be so emotional huh? Sometimes it doesn't do any good at all. sigh... But yeah, I'm saying it again long distance rel is really hard, especially if you two don't communicate that much and if there's no trust. But in our case, so far so good. I'm being optimistic that it would work. But then again, I leave it all to God. He knows best for us, and I just pray that He leads us to the right path. It's like giving Him the pen to write your love story. If we're meant to be, then we're meant to be. If not, I don't want to be hurt and I want us to be friends after all those things that we've been through. But I assured Jed that I love him and whatever it is that he wants to say, he just says it and we'll work things out. Honesty really is the key, and I don't have any problems with that because from the very start, way back when we were still friends, I truly know that he's honest enough.. minsan nga lang sa sobrang pagiging honest eh... hahah.. just kidding! =)

Anyways, gotta go.. We'll attend a baptismal party later at around 4pm. At last I can go out of the house again, heheh.. Having no friends here really sucks. I wish Max, Roch and Alex are just a drive away here. So you see how lonely it is if we have no friends.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Now signing on again...

hiyee! it's been a long time since i've last posted here in this blog.. whoa! about 5 months huh.. hmm, a lot of things had happened already for the past few months. Well yeah, I was able to go home in the Philippines. I had so much fun there.. Ok let me recall some of my activities there, hehe.. super saya kase.

hmm.. first day, no doubt i had a jet lag, jed lag daw sabi ni hiyas lols.. then on my first night there, i had a gimik with my batchmates, sobrang saya ko na nakasama ko ulit sila after 6 months. Oh before that, of course nagkita muna kami ni Jed. And that was a surprise. I really didn't know that he would go there sa condo ng pinsan ko (where i stayed). He told me that he really couldn't make it, coz he was really sleepy.. coz he had a night duty the night i arrived (7pm-7am), plus he had a meeting. So around 2:00pm after his duty, he told me he's on his way home and their meeting had just finished and that he was so sleepy. So i told him that it's ok that we meet the next day.. Because of that, i texted Angge and Colet to go in Rob so that we could meet, and it's good that they agreed.. Soo i was done with fixing myself and waited for Angge who was caught in traffic. Colet will be late daw.. My cousin also had a duty (med - clerk) so i was left in condo alone. It was not yet 5 min after my Ate Ron left the unit, when the doorbell rang. I said to myself, "may be ate ron left something, so I took a look at the peep hole and was really surprised that it was JED!!! hahaha.. Sooo funny, I was surprised to the point that I was not quite nervous and shy anymore on how to face him again after 5 months of being away. phew!!! So there at last he was the first person i've come to see among others aside from my cousin. I was really happy...Oh part of the surprise was a bouquet of flowers and my huggable stuff toy - a bear.. how sweet, hehe.. ganun talaga ako, easy to please nang mga ganung bagay.. =)


Then we met with Angge and Colet and ate in Dencio's. Jed went home after dinner coz he was soo sleepy. We girls did our thing - fixed ourselves and went directly to Sams.. Ted, Pau, Jerry, Ed, Hiyas were also there. We had shots of beer, and oh my God, I was not used to drink beer anymore, so for that night, i think i had just two.. haha! And sobrang antok na ako, na nagyayaya na akong umuwi kahit mga 2am pa lang. di ko na talaga kaya, wala pang tulog eh.. I've had a good time with Jay and Bjay too, with Cla and other batch 2006 pips who were there also.. It was a day and night full of blast indeed!!! =)


Preparing for NCLEX was also one of my goals there in Manila. I stayed there for almost 3 months. In January 30, I started with NCLEX review with Sir Gapuz. It was a good review, at least I had my time occupied and it made me become more confident with the upcoming exam. Even though that time I still didn't have my ATT, the fact that I was reviewing made me excited to take the exam. For me it was really a challenge.. and of course, I can't wait to become a US-RN too. lols.. It was nice too that I've got to meet some friends there in the review. The whole time of our comprehensive review, I was there in front, and it was a privilege since i was able to pay more attention to the lectures and not get bored at all.

In mid-March, Jed and I went to Boracay, the highlight of my stay there, hehe.. Yeah it was summer there already so we hit the beach. Ted invited us too in his hometown in Mindoro, it sucked at first knowing that only Yas and I were the ones who's going among the UPians he invited, but boy we did have fun in Mindoro.. We also went to Galera, Yas and I experienced the banana boat.. It was my first time being thrown that way in the sea. haha..

Then Chippy sponsored me to go home to Marbel. That was my last week in PI, and I was grateful that I had been able to visit my hometown in South Cotabato. Seeing my relatives and the place where I grew up, after 4 years had made me missed it so much more. There were lots of developments. I've got the chance to also visit my high school, but sad to say there were no more students there because it was already their summer vacation. All in all I had a 4-day stay there in Mindanao.

Last days in Manila were quite sad. I really hate it when I'm leaving, especially that I'm gonna miss my friends and Jed. Hayyy.. All i was thinking of most of the time was that I will just go ahead of them here in the States, and I know that they're gonna come soon..

Now, I'm already here in Florida, and there were lotsa escapades when I arrived here last April 11. I was gotten trapped by the immigration in Minneapolis. Yeah it was really DARN experience. The officer may be doubted my stay here, that I was planning to become a TNT. Hell no, of course. The last thing on my mind was to become illegal here. Even though my family were already immigrants, there was no intention of me to stay illegal, coz the one would suffer later will be me. Anyways, to cut the story short, my I-94 was marked by that officer with no adjustment/extension/change of status. Hmmm... so, I think I really need to go home in Manila before 6 months of stay here. Let's see though.

My family and I, by the way, spent the Holy week in Texas. There were lots of Pinoys there and the Easter Sunday was fun. There were egg hunting, parlor games and most pinoys there were from my hometown. It was like meeting some good old friends that I haven't seen for so long. Tita Eileen got to roam us around Houston, and it got my interest to work there too. The hospitals were big and they were situated in the center of the city, in the downtown Houston. They were compact and for that it was like being in the biggest medical center(s) in US..

My birthday came, April 26 and lucky me I got my ATT on that special day. God really bestowed me a wonderful gift. I prayed hard for it and I was so grateful that He gave it to me. So I scheduled my exam for NCLEX on June 1. I had one month of studying seriously, so that was the one which preoccupied my time. On April 30, my parents threw a small party for me here at home, with some friends and relatives. Thanks to them too..

Finally... here's the biggest news of all!!! I PASSED NCLEX!!! WHEW!! I shut down at 75. Praise the Lord, He didn't let me suffer at all to answer more questions and He didn't prolong my agony because He let me knew that I passed after just 36 hours of waiting. =) Good enough huh? Prayers indeed are powerful, and whatever it is that you ask God, it will be given. Just put your faith in God, pray hard and praise Him for everything.. good or bad.

My next step? IELTS.. the English exam. I still have 3 weeks to go. I'm gonna start practicing next week. I'm not yet in the mood to study now, though I'm really really bored. Arighty, it's time for a goodnight sleep.