Idle, idler, idlest

I'm quite lost these past few days. Or may be I'm just being impatient. My idle moments were spent on thinking about how bored I am, that I still have three months to spare before I can finally work. Well, cross your fingers with me that by January 2007, I'll be able to start working legally in the hospital... (Thanks for that! *smiles*) But yes, three more months - October, November and December of I-don't-know-what-to-do-coz-I'm-so-bored. What am I gonna do on those months? I cannot be the family driver anymore like I have been for the past few months, because unfortunately, the expiration of my Florida driver's license is just 11 days away from this date. If you ask why, it's due to the fact that my entry here in US is supposed to be just until the 11th of October, so the term given to me (in my driver's license) has been based all along from that.

By the way, I haven't updated everyone that my petition as an RN was finally filed to the immigration last week (YEYYY!!!), so I'm not going home anymore in the Philippines come this Oct. 5. On the other hand, my plane ticket to Manila will no longer be useful. I have a choice to have it rescheduled before this Oct.5, but I should fly on or before April 11, 2007. However, I chose to cancel it (unfortunately it cannot be refunded), because I have to pay around $250 for the rescheduling, and I don't wanna risk that, since I'm quite sure I couldn't come back there by April 2007, once I already start with the employment.

Going back to my being in the state of boredom, it reached me a point this week to call and e-mail some of my friends and relatives here in the States, those that reside in New York, Texas, Chicago, and of course here in Florida. I solicited their help if they know some sidelines that I can have (mga side-kicks, hehe). Who knows, they know someone and I'm willing to see some options. Actually I prefer either in New York or Chicago because those are the states I know that provide the best access to public transportation, like subways and buses, because as I have said my driver's license is soon expiring.

Several of them responded. My tita in Texas told me to hang on for another three months. She said that I did it for six months, why not three more. Well it's because those six months had been busy. Imagine, I arrived here April 11, 2006. April 11-17, I was there in Texas for the holy week. April 26 - it's my birthday, and that was also the time I had received my Authorization to test (ATT) for NCLEX. So, for the entire May, it was review time for the state board exam. June 1st - I took the exam and I passed *smiles*. The next step was taking the IELTS by June 29, which I passed too *smiles again*. So come to think of it, May and June were pretty toxic months for me to finish all the exams I needed.

On the other hand, July consisted of summer days. That meant vacation days in Orlando with the family. Then the rest of the month were spent finding for a job, having interviews with the employer, and getting really psych about the job offers.

August had been more fun, with the first two weeks being occupied by my application for the VisaScreen and the medical exam errands. My cousins were here, so we have gone to the clubs and to the beach. The last two weeks comprised of my trip to Chicago and the hangover I had with the latter. By far, it was the best month among the six that I had here in the States since April!

September seemed to be just fine. Time was consumed by my following up for my VisaScreen and settling the paperworks with the lawyer for the petition. I had also been sending and picking up my siblings to and from their schools. So whatever it is, I had been doing something for this month. What's best in this September too was the most-awaited filing of my petition, as I've said above; and with that it made me more optimistic to the 90%, that I can receive my working visa, before the year ends. Again, that will be if God permits it to happen.

Okay, okay... I'm sorry for stretching you too far by my flashbacks, but stay with me. Are you still here with me? hehe. I hope so. Anyways, going back, my friends in Chicago also gave their options that I can stay there with them too until January. But they have to ask still if they can offer me something. I might do what Alex has been doing. I can't help but get excited because if ever I'd choose to go there, then I can spend winter there and not be lonely at all when my whole family go home in the Philippines by Christmas. My mother by the way gave her yes to me so I'm just waiting for the go signal of my friends.

New York is being considered too, but my relatives discouraged me because it's complicated to find options there and what might they offer me might turn out to be depressing in the end. Then I was also thinking that I am not really close with my relatives there (my second degree relatives), and my cousins there are not with my age group. Hmmm, but still, there are times that I wanna risk it, because I wouldn't know unless I'll try, right? hehe. There must be some adventure here, and I'd like to savor one. It would help me to become more independent and be more ready for the upcoming job by January. It would be a warm-up. Hehe.

Here in Florida, I asked a friend. I haven't met him in person yet, only his parents. He's a Filipino too, and I just took chances by asking him thru YM if he can help. He replied fortunately, and asked me a while ago if he can contact me so he can give the details on what he has gathered. Wow, he's pretty fast and that's a good sign. So for now, I'll just wait for his call. I hope it would be a good option, so that I wouldn't have to leave FL to keep me occupied for the three months. Nevertheless, I am still determined that I'll spend my Christmas in another state, with friends. My choices? -- Chicago (with my college classmates), Texas (with my Tita) or Maryland (with Via). Oh, let's add Connecticut (with family friends that I already miss. The last time I saw them was in 1999. That was in Dec too, and Christmas there with bunch of Filipinos was amazing!)

So there, I'll just update you what would happen next. Well if none of these works, then I guess the least that I can do is just wait... again! I hope it wouldn't be that bad as I often think it would be. I'll just look forward to the 50th birthday of my mom, on Oct. 24th (the party is on the 21st), a wedding party of a friend on the 26th I think, then Halloween on Oct. 31st. On the month of November, it's Thanksgiving of course, then Christmas season on December. Yeah, I know it's not that bad. Actually I have another reason why I need to do something. I told you Christmas is just two months away! I need some $$$!!! hahaha!!! That's the other side of the coin, I admit. And trust me, it gets boring lately. I'm so bored, so bored, so bored! I can't drive soon, and I have to find a way to get out of the house. Yeah, I'm not the type of person who can stay in the house for days doing absolutely nothing. I must be productive you know.

Okay, Adios for now! =)

In a state of coma

To relinquish a thing that has value is an arduous task, but in life there are moments that one has no choice but to unleash. The mortal then becomes acquainted to it that her heart does not know any longer how the hurting feels. The face can show grimace or a smile, yet it must be scrutinized with caution for her expression can launch a thousand words. It is also full of uncertainties. The impulse her heart tries to undulate beat by beat remains to be a mere prerequisite to still be in life. But unknowingly, it is dead; it is no longer sensitive... or it just chooses not to.

In a piece of time though, she will be arousable, rising up from the state of coma, and begin to savor the world, again. Yet a distinctive scar is left and there remains the fear of not being able to go back to where life has begun. Reservations fill her up. Inevitably and much worse, there will be resistance to the various medicament consumed, depending on the ability of the mind and heart to cope with the dubiety that takes over her. An inclination to artificial devices may even serve significant to process the once unsevered heart.

But then again, in spite of everything, she can rebuild herself in the fullest she wants it to be. It is her choice how contentment will suffice her expectations. Then finally it will be a Renaissance.

not too late at all

There comes a time that I just sit and think that I fear each day as it passes me by... pondering about the endless worries that clog my mind. If you cast a light on me, in one way or another, you may see me thru my shadow that I'm a lucky duck. But there is no day that I don't feel useless, especially now that there are things holding me back. But then the sun won't set down seeing my numb facade. It keeps on shining until I realize that I got something to be happy about this day, one or two things that I am to be grateful of. Then his rays start to recede knowing that he made it on time. Pleasant surprises come my way and I can't thank God enough for His lovely blessings. Sometimes you don't have to necessarily wait for a miracle to happen, because it always occurs, continuously. You just have to feel it and see it for yourself. Thank you sunshine maker for not being late at all... yeah not at all!

I so love my family

I so love this day.

I didn't know that things would turn out to be this great today. I spend time with my family everyday, and yes we're close with each other, but it seems everything has been a routine. But today? It's way different. I had a blast! Today's Sunday has been a terrific family day! It's just like the good old days back in the province in the Philippines when I was small... even better! Yeah way better! I didn't expect that we can be closer enough like this.

First thing in the morning, the whole family heard mass in St. Andrews. It's a good start for a sunny Sunday. Then we proceeded to the mall, and had a brunch, at Market Grill. It was a buffet, so everything has been good. After being full, my mom decided for us to walk around (for us to burn at least some calories) and do some shopping. It has been a while too since the whole family did some shopping together... I mean with my dad and that.

Oh yeah, my dad has been great these days that he doesn't look like he's sick or anything. He's full of energy, unlike before that he'd rather stay at home or just sit outside the stores and wait for us. But this afternoon, he shopped with us and even bought some stuffs for himself. I'm glad he's feeling so healthy. I hope it would be always like that.

Anyways, after strolling in the mall for like an hour and a half, we went home and my mom tried to get a nap. She came from her night duty before we heard mass, that's why she needed to get some sleep. At around 5:30 PM, my parents decided we go to the beach in Deerfield. It was really spontaneous and I liked it. I was like, "Yeah come on! Let's go!" The weather was good, and it was still sunny so we were off to Deerfield. In short, we had a joyride. Oh, we didn't swim if that's what you're gonna ask, because we just wanted to witness a relaxing view and do some sightseeing.

Deerfield is just like 30 minutes away from our city, but what we had was a long joyride since the street where the beach is located is a like a long endless road. We just took the sidestreet in going to and from there, since taking freeway would be a hindrance to enjoy the view.

So okay, we were there in the road by the beach. I didn't have any idea that that place had to be that appealing. I had really appreciated the beauty of South Florida... The scenery, it's beautiful! The houses, they are vast that you would wish you own them for their strategic location, which is in front of the beach and a lake on the backyard. How is that huh? Then several house owners there own a yacht and there are a few riding some jet skis. So it's obvious that one has to be a millionaire to possess such property and live in such place. I guess some houses there are owned by some famous actors. There are a lot of condominiums too and hotels there for the tourists. Now, I had a new spot where I can bring my friends when they go visit me down here in the South. It's really really near us so there's no hassle.

After that breathtaking drive, we went to my aunt's house to drop off our gift to my nephew Andrew. We stayed there for a while, then my mom asked us if we wanna go to Starbucks. Whew! I was surprised that my parents weren't even tired. So Starbucks here we come! We went there in The Walk. It's like a famous place too here in our city, where you walk.. haha just kidding (corny)! =) Well yeah of course you walk, but it's a place to hang out too, where there are shops and restaurants. More of like Eastwood in Metro Manila. Each of us had a frappucino then we strolled around and found a good place to sit.

Coffee time then became a bonding session time! I really enjoyed the talking with my sisters and parents. I haven't mentioned, by the way, that my brother Charles wasn't there, because he went to a hockey game with his friends. Anyways, we just talked about anything under the sun... the future of my youngest sister where in Bridget and I will be the ones who's going to finance her high school (in a private Catholic school) and college, hahah.... then how my sis Bridget wants to become a pharmacist and that I'll pursue Med, may be, coz I still want to, really! Then how exciting it will be if I'm working already, so I can treat my family to a trip to Europe or anywhere they want to. It was really a great conversation, one that we had a good laugh about.

We also talked about the upcoming trip to the Philippines. I don't wanna say "their" trip, because I'm still crossing my fingers that I could come home, even for just 10 days. They were really trying to make me jealous that they're gonna do the Simbang gabi there and eat puto bumbong afterwards, then they're going to Davao and Boracay after New Year. Hmmpphh... I hope my parole visa will be approved. If ever I would get into the work, I'll request that I'll start my work on January, so that I can spend time with my family without any preoccupations yet.

Moreover, I told my sister Bridget that whenever I have the chance to go home with them, I'm going to introduce her to my friends and for the two days that we are to be in Manila (Yeah, just two days though because we/they will just spend 18 days all in all in the Philippines), I (with my friends) would bring her to the famous bars in Makati, so that she can try partying, get a taste of Manila parties (and get some good drinks of course) there at the age of 16, hahaha! After all no ID is needed in PI and she looks older than 16, so there would be no worries. Plus plus plus, we can go shopping together in Greenhills for cheaper stuffs, then Gateway, G4 and Greenbelt, then to the Mall of Asia (where I have not been yet). It would be so nice to do that right? My sis is very excited too. Ha, how I really wish I can go with them. Please God, please, can it be my Christmas gift? Just a two-week vacation with my family? It would be so much fun! =)

So there, that's my extraordinary Sunday! I feel sooo lucky to belong to this loving family! They're such a blessing and I thank God that this day has been so wonderful that we left every worries behind and just enjoy the day like there is no tomorrow.

happy here, so smile with me =)

This morning Colet texted me that she and Hiyas were partying out and she asked me if I wanted to call them. They're both of my closest friends in college and since I still haven't used that 20-minute monthly free call from TFC, I decided to dial Hiyas' mobile phone. It really felt good to talk with the two of them to the point that I haven't noticed that it was already past 20 minutes. hahaha! I ended up having around 24 minutes from that TFC, then I dialed Colet's mobile phone number using the regular land phone this time (which was not free) so I could talk to them more. I decided to utilize 30 minutes, and I guess my mom would not mind because it's just 30 minutes compared before when I was still with my ex, wherein I talked with him for like a total of 3-4 hours monthly.

Anyways, the girls were asking me if when will I come home in Manila, coz they've been waiting for me. They missed going out with me, and yeah I so admit that I really miss those two bruhas. I love them so much! They are the ones whom I share my secrets with, those deepest secrets you could ever imagine hahaha! We know everything about each other's lovelives and we share dreams whether they are realistic or not. It's just that we do hope we can achieve our dreams in life and to tell you, one of the craziest is to have the chance to party on each of the states here in the US. *big grin* YES!!! Nice huh?! We can do it.. We will do it! lol. Well, even before in Manila, we had already survived going out several times just the three of us against those big groups around us. But who cares, we were enjoying and we can talk anything we want.


Kat, Colet and Hiyas

It's just comforting to know that we haven't lost our communication. Hiyas and I often e-mail each other, and take note: the e-mails we send each other are detailed, like if you're gonna print one, it will be more or less a 3-page e-mail. hahaha! Yeah, it happens like twice a month and it helps maintain our friendship strong. It's like saying "so near yet so far."

Colet was also asking me this morning if I still want to pursue medicine. Honestly, yes. I really regret it that I didn't take the NMAT when I was in college. What if I had taken it? I'm sure I am in Med school right now. Anyways, I told her that yes I still want to become a doctor, but not now, because I have to save money first to pay for the tuition. I was asked if where would I take it, but that I don't know yet. It would also be nice if I would take Med in Manila, because the tuition is way cheaper than having to take it here in the States, plus I would become a full time student there. But we'll see if there are opportunities to get some scholarship here, or may be once I'm already working, the institution can sponsor my med school provided that I will just serve them for like two years. One definite thing I'm determined of pursuing is that I'll have further study, be it in Med or Masters in Nursing (becoming a Nurse practitioner). I have this love for school and while I'm still young and my mind is still able of absorbing knowledge, why not, right? Colet wants to take med too, and she wants us to do it together... here in the States. Well, why not again? haha. I was also happy to hear her say that she was already preparing her Visa. I don't know what kind of Visa is she trying to get though, because she can get that one used by the politicians (since she's a councilor), or a tourist visa.

I wish we could have talked longer than 50 minutes. In our case, it was not enough. Imagine us talking non-stop, sharing stories, laughing and screaming!!! hahaha! But a while ago, I've shed a tear while telling my own story. Awww... I just miss them so much. Good for them they have the chance to hang out with close friends anytime. But me, the happiest chance that I can hang out with my close friends now is to hang out with them over the phone! Yes yes... conversing with them, at least, makes me happy for real. I can talk to my friends here in the States for unlimited on weekends and weeknights (9PM-8AM), and I got a 20-min free call to the Phils monthly. YEY!!! That makes me feel good.

But heyyy you... don't you pity me, ok? May be you would say that I got a shallow happiness. Nah! I pity you if you tell me that. It's because I have this view in life that in one thing or another, you can be happy. It's your choice if you want to be happy or not. If you think you can smile with what you have, then you won't be sad right? I pity those people who cannot find happiness with what they already have. Other times, you may feel incomplete, but you should not feel low about it. You have to look at the brighter side and later on you will realize that there's something to smile about. Sh*t happens too, but hey it's not the end of the world!!! Everyday is a new day. I know you have heard this several times, but take a chance to savor each morning. Each day is a chance to move on, a chance to realize that there are a lot of things that is worth smiling about. It's a chance to leave all your preoccupations behind. Otherwise, it's your lost for not making the day a good one.

Here in the States, I really appreciate the people greeting you whenever you buy anything from a store, or if you mail a letter in the post-office. They may be strangers too, but it isn't hard for them to say, "Hi, how's your day?" or "How are you today?" Then you'll end up smiling and say, "Hi! I'm good.." "I'm great"... "My day is awesome! How do you do?" Even if you're tired, you can still smile at them for greeting you. Then if you're about to leave, they're always saying, "Have a nice day!", "Have a nice weekend ahead of you." Those simple words can brighten up your day, right?

So there, I have my own way to be happy, and I feel good about it that I have a very positive outlook in life. Yes, sometimes I cry. I don't deny it. Crying is good, but just don't let it destroy your day or don't let it ruin you to the point that you get depressed. Okay? So smile!!! =) As for me, I feel lucky and happy that despite the distance, despite the time difference my friends and I have, I know that I have them at my back. Yes, I don't see them, but I'm sure they are there caring for me, they love me and they want to know and they want to be assured that I'm doing fine and that I'm not forgetting how to smile.

So my friends out there, i miss you terribly, but in a good way! Just wanna let you know that I'm doing good! And whatever it takes, I get the chance to make my day a happy one, and that I'm constantly smilin' =) So cheer up there youuu... It ain't bad at all, is it?

Weather weather lang yan

Hiyee!!! It's been a while since I've written something about myself here. hehe. Tinatamad kase ako for the past few days. Nothing much to tell naman kase. Nothing's really new. But since medyo ginaganahan ako magkwento ng kung anu-ano ngayon, sisimulan ko na.

I texted my friend about the results of UAAP Cheerdance competition, and I expected that UP would have placed second, but I was a bit disappointed when I heard that we just garnered the third place, coz the routine seemed to be just the same like last year daw. Sayang naman. But it's okay. Weather weather lang yan, tsaka I know everyone had tried his/her best, and I'm still proud to be a UPian. Congrats to UP, FEU and to the champions, the UST!!! Buti na lang eh mahal ko rin ang UST, coz my dad and most of my cousins came from UST. hehe.

******

A while ago we went to Toyota. My parents just bought my 16-year old sister a car. It's a brand-new white Toyota Yaris Sedan.

Wow! She's just 16 and she got a car! And how about me? I'm 22 and yet I don't have my own car! Tsk tsk tsk.... Lucky girl huh? Yeah, she really wants a car, and she has convinced my parents to buy her one. Well, it's ok, I'm not jealous coz I'm just waiting for my work, and it will be easy for me to buy one once I have a job. Weather weather lang yan. Besides, I would want a different car, and I want to buy from my own pocket too. It would be too much if I would ask my mom to buy me a new car now that I'm done with my school. Also, I understand my sister's need for the car, even if she's just in junior high school, because she always goes to water polo practice; she always goes out with friends (well, that's for leisure and not need though); and it would spare my parents (and me) the time to send and pick her and my brother up from school.

I asked her right after my parents signed the car papers if she has already thanked them (my parents), so she said, "Oh yeah! Thank you Mama (a peck for Mom) and Thank you Papa (and a peck for Dad)." Tingnan mo nga naman tong batang to... Muntik pang makalimutang magpasalamat sa mga magulang. Hehe. But nah, don't get it wrong. Each of us was not spoiled by our parents. We were raised in such a way that we're equals and there are times that we don't and cannot get what we want.

This year 2006 has been a lucky year for my sis. She got a grand sweet 16th birthday party last March. She had it like the typical Filipina's 18th birthday (debut), with all the roses and candles, only they were 16 (coz it's sweet 16th that matters here and then the 21st birthday). I missed it though 'coz I was in the Philippines reviewing for my NCLEX. Then she got a car by now. Then in December, she's gonna go home with the whole family in the Philippines. So so lucky! I hope it goes on and on for her...

Anyways, yeah yeah yeah... my whole family is going home in PI in December. But me? Nahhh.. I still don't know. Unless I'll go home there this Oct, I would be left here in the States for Christmas. The whole Espanol family is going home. Wahhhh!!! There will be a grand family reunion in Marbel, South Cotabato, for both sides of the family.

I hate it that I always miss the important family events. Sigh...

You know what? During my debut (18th birthday), I celebrated it grandiously in Makati Shangrila Hotel, with about 120 guests (relatives, friends and classmates), yet my nuclear family was not there =( They were here in the States, because they couldn't go home. Their petition was in the process that time, so they had no choice. I was the one who took care of my party. It was pretty awesome though. I had arranged everything, from the invitations, to my gowns (care of my kababayan Randy Ortiz), to the venue... Everything! It was tiring but I had fun, because I have this love for event organizing. Anyways, I had a blast that night. Everything was perfect except that I had missed my family, which actually made me a bit teary when I had my speech. It was a once in a lifetime event of my life, that was why even though my family cannot be there for me that time, they made sure I would have a fairytale-like party (which was my dream, kase girly-girly ako masyado, hehe), and I thank them for that. Nung sembreak na lang sila bumawi, when I went to the States and the whole family took a trip to Sacramento and San Francisco.

And again, as I've said, I had missed my sister's sweet 16th just this year. And this coming Christmas, they're gonna go home and they would also go to Boracay (wahhhh!), and I would be left alone if ever I should stay here. Kamusta naman diba? I'm sure it would be a lot of fun there in the province, because the last time we had our grand reunion was more than 10 years ago, and now I'm gonna miss it big time! Darn!!! Kakainggit! But I would risk it if it would be the only way for me to start here. Okay lang na maiwan ako dito, as long as makakastart na ako sa work. I've told my mom that I'll just go on vacation with my friends, may be in Chicago again. Yes, my friends are inviting me over again if ever I won't be able to go home in PI. Sooo, okay lang din. I know I have a way to be happy too. This would be my second time to experience Christmas away from the whole family... if ever.

Bahala na si Lord. He knows best. And again, weather weather lang yan. =)

ok go - fun on treadmills

This was the Ok Go's treadmill performance in the recent MTV video music awards! They performed Here it Goes Again live and it was just plain awesome!

I wonder if how many practices have they done in order to perfect it. It's sooo creative, and I bet my pwet that a lot would imitate their way of performing, haha!

Aright, pause first my music down there, and take a chance to enjoy the video! =)

party and dream

What am I gonna write about? hmm.. I was out yesterday, we went in the downtown, for my cousin James's 21st birthday. We had a good time in Fat Tuesday and at Howl at the Moon. Since it was my cousin's 21st, we really made sure he would remember it for the rest of his life. Haha! We got him wasted, to the point of puking! Yeah, that was because he mixed his drinks. I mean my cousin Marlo bought him Sex on the beach drink, then he had two beers, then the Cruzan Mango, then the Mudslide, then another two different drinks I guess. We went home past three already.

I had a little hangover this morning, but I was fine. My stomach just ached a bit for a while, but then when I ate, it was gone. Today by the way is my brother Charles's birthday celebration here at home, so there's family gathering again and lots and lots of food! Filipino foods for us family and American foods for my bro's friends. The empanada and the kutsinta, and my favorite pansit molo are really good! But uggghhh, I ate a lot! haha But it's no biggie, I can go back to my diet tomorrow. I need to coz lately I've been binging. May be it's because my period is coming. hahaha, talking about PMS! But I'm in good mood lately... Why is that so? Hmmm... Secret! lols.

You know what, I still have hang-over with my trip in Chicago. Sometimes, my mind flies there. Haha. If we only have time machine right? or just a fast jet that will let you travel anywhere in a matter of minutes. I wonder if someday people can travel like from here in Florida to Chicago (or anywhere in the world), in just 30 minutes, and there will be like access to that every 15 minutes, more of like the system of MRT and buses, only in jet though? Then you can also return here in Florida at the same night, because you have to work the next day. It will be a magic and may be that would more likely to happen in the next next next generation. May be with my great great grandchildren. hahaha!

I'm tired now. I had a long day, helping my parents in preparing for the party and running errands. Oh yeah I watched Silent Hill a while ago, but because the kids were sooo noisy, I haven't really concentrated with the conversation, so I think I need to watch the last part again to fully understand it. It was complicated but Max already told me the gist, so somehow I got it, but I just wanna watch it again if I can get a time.