i'm on the right track

It's been a while again. I guess I was really caught up with work... Hmm, been pretty busy. Got two jobs, and I'm enjoying learning new things. I'm in the stage now where I get to learn more about my capabilities, my strengths and weaknesses. (Well yeah, I know that everyday is a battlefield.) But I'm speaking of a different level here. I get to test my temper, my patience. I'm trying to hold on to some things. I hope they're worth it. You won't understand, I know, but my world is quite complicated now. Lotsa things happening... sometimes I'm up, other times I'm down. I try to think positive though. There are things that would always help us and make us feel better, and we just have to switch our thoughts over them. Even though it's hard and we cannot do it with just one snap, we still can do it if we choose to.

Speaking of positive... I got my green card already!!! Hell yeah! Haha! That means I can go home to my home country... yippee!!! I'm planning to go home next year, 2008.. I hope I'll pursue with the plan, because my mom is planning to have the vacation in Vancouver instead. We'll see, but the most important thing is I'm already a permanent resident here in US, and I can study further! Yup, I see my future plans falling on the right track, and I can't thank God enough for it. After this telemetry experience, I should definitely have an ICU experience and pursue with the CRNA course. And the rest will follow. Probably and hopefully it will take me three to four years more to reach the endpoint of my goal. And after that, I should get married! hahaha! Part of this too, of course, is having to keep a healthy relationship with my significant other. I believe all these will be fulfilled with prayers, determination, persistence and confidence. So cheers to being able to achieve these goals! =)

mint chocolate

I was with my 9-year old sister in my parents' room this morning. She was holding her white board and marker, while I was ironing my uniforms for work. She asked me, "Ate, what should I draw?" Yeah, my sister loves art. Then I told her, "You can draw anything you want. Why, what is it that you want to draw at the moment?" She kept on thinking and finally said, "I don't know. Tell me what to draw." Then I asked her, "Is that your only problem?" And she nodded. I came to think that she is lucky that she is just a child, for now, and her only problem is what it is that she will draw. Sometimes I wish I could go back to be in her age again, where I can be carefree and have nothing big to worry about.

She kept on thinking, then she drew a guitar. Well she knows how to play guitar and piano, so probably that what has come to her mind. Then I asked her, "Do you want to be a grown up now? Just like Ate.. 22 years old?" She thought about it and replied, "Nah, I will be tired. I will have to drive and go to work, it's tiring. I don't even know how to drive. I'll get crashed." "Then I'll teach you how to drive," I said. "No, I'm too small," she answered. We just laughed.

Well I guess we just have to accept that we really are opted to grow up, and grow old. Speaking of survival of the fittest. And I can say I also had a good memory of my childhood. I was never deprived of play, love and warmth from my family. It's just that sometimes it would come into us to think that it would be so nice to be a child again. My sister is still enjoying the time of her life as a child.

She continually drew in her white board, while I was hanging my clothes in the closet. But this time she was making a creative abstract drawing of the mint chocolate we ate at Dippin' dots yesterday. She was smiling and asking me if I can buy her another serving of it the next time we go to the mall.

reason to smile =)

Dami nangyari lately.. bad and good... but life still chose to give me reason to smile...

Last week my co-workers and I went to have breakfast in Southbeach after work. Then Bryan got into a vehicular accident, having his car totally wrecked. Nakatulog kase.. sa kabusugan siguro. Gaaa, if you can see his car you cannot seem to think that the one driving it would come out alive. And I'm really thankful that he survived it. It's his second life. He just got a left wrist greenstick fracture. No scratches on his face, gwapo pa rin, hehe! When I heard the news, flashbacks of what happened to Karlo struck me. And I felt lucky that this time, I was able to talk to him when I called him, assuring me that he is okay, the CT scan done has all been normal. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayoko na ulit mawalan...

Seventeenth birthday party din ni Barbie nung weekend dito sa bahay. It was fun because it's another family gathering. Dito din mga pinsan ko. My dad is also here now at home, may private nurse sya round the clock. But of course, we stay beside him as much as possible. Nakapag hard rock pa pala kami ni Sherrein nung Friday. Haha! After a year since I've been there. Ayun, masayan naman nung nag-clubbing kami...

Sa work naman, hayyyy, grabe, toxic-toxican ako for the past two nights. Dami ko pre-op patients. First time ko din magkaroon ng patient who has pre-op orders for Open heart surgery. Whew! Nawindang ako. Super dami ng kelangan gawin and the orders were made like 9PM and the patient was going for 5AM surgery. Kala ko complete na, yung urinalysis pala di ko nagawa. I hope hindi nagalit yung MD na kulang yun. haha! Bahala na sila, nakauwi naman na ako, wehehe, and I'll be off for a couple of days. But it was good to learn from mistakes. Tapos feeling ko talaga minalas ako kagabi, haha! Nagleak yung 2 IV site at kelangan ulit mag-insert. Tapos nandun pa yung anak ng patient na nagrereklamo and nagdedemand na tawagan yung doctor, wherein tinawagan ko naman, kaso sinigawan ako kase galit sya sa anak. haha! Onga naman, ang lumalabas kase ang anak ang nagiging patient ko. Pero with all those circumstances last night, I still was able to finish on time. Onga pala mag-isa lang din akong nagbreak kagabi kase na-late ako ng break, busy-busyhan kase.

After work naman, I slept for an hour sa apartment, took bath, then punta kina Bryan. Nagluto kami ng corned beef, PUREFOODS!!! hahaha! babaw noh, sensha na kase first time kong makatikim ng purefoods corned beef dito sa States, wala kase nagbebenta dito. Dala pa yun ng tita nya galing Pinas. Buti nakalusot.. Yummm! Tapos I mixed 2 eggs with it, just like what I was making during college days. Tapos movie marathon, 2 DVD's napanood namin. Nakatulog nga lang ako in between kase nga galing pa akong work. Tapos umuwi na rin late afternoon. Glad ok na rin sya. Naka-brace na lang yung left wrist nya.

Right now, I'm here beside Papa... spending time with him. Antok na nga ako, baka dito na lang din ako sleep sa couch tonight. At least la naman ako pasok tom. Sa weekend sana labas din with cousins while it's their spring break. Arighty, yun lang muna update ko for now.. Kahit papano eh natutuwa ako na masaya naman tayo despite the adversities we have each day. I thank you all for praying for my dad, for my friends who stand by me and my family, sa mga relationships and probs na naayos na. Happy happy na ang lahat so far.. Let's keep it up =)

slowly saved

I just don't understand how life goes on. One moment you're happy, that everything seemed perfect, then all of a sudden everything changed and you can be so down. It's sad to realize that fairy tales do take chances and you sure are lucky if one lands on your palm. I've never imagined for things to happen this way and that I tend to question if do i really deserve this? Am I treated like a crap? Was there love at all? Gaaa, I can't believe this had happened. Not now... Ooops not! I'm taking it back. I'm glad it happened as earlier as now. At least I've spared myself.

Oh well, that's the way it should be probably, but still I hope that sometime soon, life's gonna treat me well. I can still handle it, but sometimes it's just too much.. too much that I myself, am trying to smile numbly just to make myself feel better, but deep inside you're not feeling alright, or I am.. Not!

Well just as I thought of it, I am the person who can easily move on. I guess it's just a matter of getting used to it. But I should learn my lesson, yes I did... or I didn't? Sigh... I also have to make use of my smart ass, not just that brainless heart. And I just hate myself for not knowing how to get mad at all... not at all. I just complained to myself but I don't know how to express to the secondary person. I'm just appease with the situation that people see me that I am fine, fine like I am not hurting inside. I really know how to keep things myself.

But I'm better now I'm telling you. Better than good is good right? I just have to move on with my life and fulfill those dreams I want. Yes it's not that bad. I still have my faith that God won't give me troubles that I cannot surpass. I wonder if how life would be if it has no scratches at all, wouldn't it be boring? At least for now, it's challenging. Seeing the brighter side huh? Yeah, I know I can overcome all of these.

Anyways, I'm off to my preceptorship in my work last month, pretty much enjoying the job. Everyday is a new day and a learning experience for me. I am closer to my co-workers and friends. They are a family to me.

I also really miss my friends in the Philippines though. Especially the girls. I wish they're here...

Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Christmas season is done. It's already 2007! Whew! I've never thought about my new year's resolution yet, haha. Does everyone really have one? I mean for me I just have to get along with the flow. But I understand that the resolution seems like an outline or an idea, much more like a goal, for us to lead this new year into a fruitful one. As for me, I desire to be more hardworking and dedicated in my job, to gain more friends and to love those who are around me, that I will learn how to run my own career, save my money and be practical actually with regards to my expenditures. yeah right huh? lol. Well let's see.

I spent my new year by the way in Chicago, with my ever-so gentleman friends Max and Alex. I never thought I'd be going there for the winter. But then I got 3 days off straight last Dec 30, 31 and Jan 1, so when Max told me to come, why not? My family is not here so better spend it with friends, and it was indeed fun! Actually it's pretty tight, coz I have work Dec 29 7PM to 7AM of Dec. 30. So I went straight ahead to the airport off from work. I wasn't even able to sleep on the plane because there were a lot of children, a lot of babies, traveling that were near my seat; they're loud! I arrived Chicago at 3PM. But even though I just spent 3 days there, the days and night seemed long. It's good to be away from work for a while and spent time with your close friends. New year was fun. We did eat and eat, lol. Then before new year's eve, we watched the Pursuit of Happiness as well as the Blood Diamond, marathon! Sweet! And I'm so glad that I gotta treat my friends with my salary. They were the first people whom I treated since I received my paycheck, and it felt good to share with them what you've earned. I went home Jan 2 AM because I have work at 7PM. So again, I went directly from the airport to my hospital. So imagine I was so sleepy during the shift, lol. I just got to sleep on the plane for 2 hours that day and that's it, ready to work again. And thanks really to Bryan who gave me a ride to and from the airport. Chicago's weather was nice. It's not snowing though. But it's amazing to feel the cold once in a while. Lovin' it for sure.

With regards to work, I'm gonna start working alone (without preceptor) on February. Good luck to me! I wish I can manage it. Well I have no choice. But so far, I'm doing good. I am able to learn a lot. Taking care of cardio patients is really interesting. There are so much to learn with the heart. My patients mostly are those with complaints of Chest pain, COPD, CHF, so you get to understand more of what's going on with the heart, medically speaking, lol (because when love life kicks in, it's a different story, hahaha). And in my unit, the cases vary. I have some Psych patients, ortho patients, those with DM, renal failure, decubitus ulcers, GI concerns... All cases, because it's the only VIP floor. So whatever cases they may have, if they want a VIP room, as long as it doesn't require ICU care, they go to our unit.

Anyways, I already got use with the routine, and it's good that I'm doing the 7PM-7AM shifts now permanently. At least I can give a total care for my patients. Proud to say too that I already knew how to insert an IV!!! YEY! hehe. Getting used to operating the machines too, and I'm more confident now in handling my patients. I just got to practice myself more with regards to calling the doctors to clarify some orders or to report significant concerns. I also got to appreciate how important it is to look at the lab results of my patients and relate them to their diagnosis as well as the medications they're receiving. Nursing is so interesting!

And with regards to my family there in my workplace, I have nothing to ask for. They're so supportive and it's fun working. When 12 AM strikes, we eat together, just like a family, and we have a lot of food. Seriously. There are times that we seem to have a party always. I hope I will maintain my weight with all the food that we're eating, lol. Since 90% in my unit are Filipinos, our food are Filipino foods too. We have hopia, siopao and other Fil viands during our midnight dinner. Then sometimes, after our shift, my friends/colleagues (those who are in my age), we eat breakfast in South beach. Yep, in Ocean drive. It's so relaxing actually. We drive there over the beach to destress and just talk and laugh, feel the breeze, watch those people who are going to surf. I'm enjoying it and I cannot be thankful enough to have a second family whom I am comfortable working with. Because yeah, if you're not happy with your work, then surely you wouldn't succeed. My colleagues too are always planning some hang outs and parties, so looking forward to those.

Finally, my family (the biological ones, hehe), they're going to arrive here on the 9th! Can't wait!!! I miss them so much. Especially their cooking, lol. I miss my youngest sister so much...

Arighty, I'm glad I got this precious night to update my blog. I'm off today and tomorrow that's why. Take care and I wish all of you a prosperous new year! :)