Into becoming a butterfly

I get butterflies in my stomach everyday...Well recently... and it gets more and more intense as each day passes by. Really!!! Whew! Can't help it.. I'm counting the days! Is this for real? The long awaited moment has arrived, after being bummed for a year and 5 months. But the supposed-to-be excited feeling is slowly becoming an anxiety... Anxious that I doubt my capabilities to perform accurately and intelligently in the real world. Am I ready? Oh for sure! I mean this is definitely not a game, not an internship nor a course where one tries to perform while trying to earn a high grade and to pass. Rather this is a profession and I'm holding a license that I must protect and be careful with my whole life. Ughh, I feel I have forgotten a lot already, haha! Trying to remember the meds..cardiac meds especially, and the procedures.. Gaaa, they're freaking me out. I would absolutely need to scan my notes again, read ECG books. Heyyy you, I hear you telling me that I'm toxic, lol.. But yeah, I am.. ever since. Haha. Guilty?! Nah, I would proudly admit it. Lol.

Despite the wobbly feeling I'm having right now, I am trying to compose myself of what's going to happen soon. Surely this would be offering me a great deal of change. My life is beginning another chapter and I am about to build a new comfort zone. It seemed hard, yes, to start. I hear it all the time, but how would I know how deep the water is if I don't take a dip on it, right? I am about to take a big leap on my career and this is it! Sleepless nights and the big adjustment might stimulate my lacrimal glands along the way. I'm quite ready for that... Well, I'm trying to get myself ready for that. But I believe that it would just be a matter of time and I'll be used to my new life.

Yes, it will be a fresh life... away from my family, new set of people to get along with, fitting in with them, with their expectations.... new environment and living alone, on my own, in my crib... paying my own bills (gosh!)... saving to buy my own car (it's a necessity here!)... and oh, cooking my own food! And the list goes on and on... Yeah, I would like to promise myself this time that I would avoid fastfoods and buying those instant meals, i.e. instant noodles. Ughh, they're unhealthy and I had enough of them during college days.

I will surely miss my family, even if they're just an hour away. I know I can drive home anytime when I'm off duty, but the thought that I would be alone there, without even knowing a single person/friend to talk to (for now) in there, give me shivers. Perhaps I will try to drown myself into work for the first months, which will be my defense mechanism, against my loneliness. Yes it works for me. I tend to forget my problems once I get busy and if I find something else to focus to. (Just like Karlo days and Psych Nursing! hehehe...)

Sooo... Miami Beach here I come! November 26, it's goodbye Coral Springs and hello Miami! Good thing though I will start after Thanksgiving. In that way, I have the last chance to hang out with my whole family/relatives. Yeah, last chance for this year =( since they're all going home in the Philippines for Christmas and New Year. I pray to God to help me get through this, that this opportunity will help me undergo a successful metamorphosis to grow into a beautiful and mature butterfly... that it would not become a painful experience as I imagined it to be. Rather it is one, in which I would enjoy. I really hope that I can gain friends, learn to trust people, be a caring nurse in such a way that my Alma Mater has molded me, and most of all I can still smile and laugh. Finally in the next months and for the following years, I hope to hear myself say "Where I am now, I feel fulfilled and happy."