my commandment

"Thou shall not disrupt the serenity I'm feeling right now."

Serenity... yes, that's what I'm feeling at the moment. Well, since yesterday, it has dawned on me that I just feel I'm totally refreshed. I don't know exactly the reason behind it. Probably the post easter mania? Most likely. The Easter season provided me the chance to reflect thoroughly about my past and my present, the life that I have lived and how I have traversed thru it, and of course up to this time -- how I constantly deal with everyday's tribulation.

Remembering my dad and Karlo was the highlight of my easter reflection, of course besides meditating on Christ's suffering. And I prayed, I talked to them as if they are just beside me. It made me miss them so much, and it reached the point that I found myself looking back, literally and figuratively. I tried to glance over my photographs with Karlo, and sad to say it was 4 years ago. But those memory were all good. I'm proud that we never really fought and we've always had our ways to compromise, to settle issues, and that had made our relationship stronger, which a lot of people envied.

Anyhow, I'm surprised that while I was driving yesterday to Miami to go to a seminar for my friend's daughter's Baptism (They require Godparents here to attend such seminar), I feel the serenity that I have been longing to feel for quite some time. Amidst the traffic, never did I enjoy driving that much until yesterday. I found myself humming to the songs the radio station was playing. I really had a good time with myself. I kept looking back for some incidences of my life, but even if I have thought of some instances which are not that good, they didn't bother me. I guess I have looked at the positive sides of those and accepted to myself that life goes on, and indeed without those trials, I would never ever be where I'm now. And that they had helped me to become stronger. And again, I'm proud of it. I was never lost at all, and I thank God for that. I touched the rosary then that was hanging on my rearview mirror, and told myself that "this is the day that I feel I'm reborne, and no one will disrupt the serenity I'm feeling."

My heart is still healing right now, quietly and right. and I don't want anyone to cross over the process of healing I'm undertaking at this time. I try to focus and not go astray. It's quite surprising that I have no temptations to go out that much. It might sound boring and laid back, but yes, I try to be a homebody now. With this peaceful life I'm living, I'm doing my study for the upcoming exams. Being in the midst of organizing myself to focus more on my review, it's hard, especially having not studied for like 2 years already, plus I have work. But I'm determined to achieve my dreams and I believe in myself that I can do it. No one can stop me. This is it I guess. I found serenity and I'm hoping I'll stay in this homeostasis as I proceed.