Maybe..

What if God has already shared my destiny.. my one true love with me, but He has already taken him away earlier from me? Maybe my destiny was already my college sweetheart. Maybe I don't have to wait. Maybe there's no one waiting for me at all here in this world.. Maybe he's waiting for me on the other side.

Rat love

I had a vivid dream. A rat was thrown over me from the window, it went thru my clothes, finding its way down thru my thighs. He seemed not biting me at all. Caught him with my two bare hands, but he was able to let go. Now out of my clothes, still running around. He seems like harmless, wanted to be loved. But he was just plain annoying. A rat in nature by itself.

Guess life teaches us the same way. A person you love might feel being chased that there's no room left for her/him to love you at all anymore. No more challenge to let you feel in her/his own way that you are wanted. You will be just annoying as the rat, though all you wanna do is to just love him. How sad. Poor rat.

I wanna write again...

I miss writing... I miss putting my thoughts into writing...

Of Anxiety and Excitement

It is time for another journey of my life. Both in and out of my comfort zone. The former because I'm with my family now and the latter since I'm away from the close friends I've gained from the Sunshine State. Soon though I would discover new place where I feel I belong to, and also know people whom I would be comfortable with. Surely it would take time to be able to settle down wherever I would practice my profession again. But rest assured I will always try to be myself and do my best to learn from every experience I would encounter.

Moreover, I was able to survive Miami as a newbie three years ago. I was a starter who had no experience at all post graduation. Looking down memory lane, I drove down the freeway for the first time on that same day that my orientation started. From Coral Springs to Miami. No one would be able to get a picture of my dread while driving for an hour to my workplace. Thanks so much for Mr. GPS. Another blooper was that my ignorance and culture rawness caused me to try sticking the needle of the supposed-to-be needleless syringe in one of the heplock of my patient. Oh, the pressure really lingered. But I was able to stand tall and show the world that I am one smart kid who can withstand the challenge that my profession and life per se was imposing. I strived to learn the twists, the routine, until I became better. I am humbly proud of what I've become and I am grateful for those people who believed, and are still trusting in me, while I'm crawling myself onto success. Considering all these, I expect to feel less stress and pressure, and more confidence at this time that I would seek another employment. I was able to battle out my fears and be a caring and professional nurse that I needed to be on my first job, so why let this forthcoming situation make me queasy. But phew, still, I wouldn't deny the anxiety and the excitement I'm feeling right now, of meeting new faces and being in a whole new zone.

All the best for me... It's not going to be easy to find new set of friends and deal with unfamiliar colleagues. But I'll make it through. To the friends I've left in Miami, I'm missing you already. You won't be replaced. We just have to understand that in this life, we have to keep going or else we'll be left behind. And for myself to be more convincing, the interesting thing is I'm going to find a new job and I need it badly, or else I will not be able to swipe anymore for my shopping and out of town trips, haha! I can't wait to fly to South beach again. Oh and New York as well.

I love you guys and visit me here in Houston! :) You're always welcome here.. 

Bittersweet

"As I gaze upon the sea! All the old romantic legends, all my dreams, come back to me.” -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Indulge!

In life, in order to survive, you need to give yourself a chance to hang out with people that you do not know yet very well. It's not bad. Actually, you will just find yourself enjoying their company, and you won't realize you're planning for another get together the next weekend.

On the Cinco de Mayo of this year, I had a spontaneous night out with my colleagues. It was my first time to have really gone out with this group, and it turned out to be fun. We had a joy ride along Miami Beach, and our hunger led us to the famous Rice, House of Kabob. Damn, if I had only known that this small restaurant exists, probably I will be a frequent customer there. haha! I learned to love Persian food when I got to have a taste of Mr. Kabab in Quezon Ave in Manila. So here's what I ordered, and I'd like to go back there soon!

The movies was our next stop. We watched Iron Man and it was a nice movie too. At least I was awake the whole time, considering that I just got 3-4 hours of sleep from work. Gala talaga eh noh. After the movies, we still hung out at one of our friend's pad.

The next day, it was Dale's birthday. Dale's the husband of my friend and colleague Ate Kay. He celebrated it at Benihana. I love it when I try new restos. It's an opportunity to explore what's good around. Benihana is a Japanese resto, where all your main orders are being cooked in front of you by a chef. It's not a shabu shabu type really because we are not the ones cooking the food.





So, it's a new experience again, and of course the food is awesome! I got Filet Mignon! And the shakes too, I love it! I had a Mango Colada, and Mich had a Power cream which was like a Strawberry Shake, and was definitely yummier than mine.

Tomorrow... another time to indulge! Because tomorrow is Abbie's 1st birthday!!! We'll have a children's party at a park. I'm looking forward to it after work.

my commandment

"Thou shall not disrupt the serenity I'm feeling right now."

Serenity... yes, that's what I'm feeling at the moment. Well, since yesterday, it has dawned on me that I just feel I'm totally refreshed. I don't know exactly the reason behind it. Probably the post easter mania? Most likely. The Easter season provided me the chance to reflect thoroughly about my past and my present, the life that I have lived and how I have traversed thru it, and of course up to this time -- how I constantly deal with everyday's tribulation.

Remembering my dad and Karlo was the highlight of my easter reflection, of course besides meditating on Christ's suffering. And I prayed, I talked to them as if they are just beside me. It made me miss them so much, and it reached the point that I found myself looking back, literally and figuratively. I tried to glance over my photographs with Karlo, and sad to say it was 4 years ago. But those memory were all good. I'm proud that we never really fought and we've always had our ways to compromise, to settle issues, and that had made our relationship stronger, which a lot of people envied.

Anyhow, I'm surprised that while I was driving yesterday to Miami to go to a seminar for my friend's daughter's Baptism (They require Godparents here to attend such seminar), I feel the serenity that I have been longing to feel for quite some time. Amidst the traffic, never did I enjoy driving that much until yesterday. I found myself humming to the songs the radio station was playing. I really had a good time with myself. I kept looking back for some incidences of my life, but even if I have thought of some instances which are not that good, they didn't bother me. I guess I have looked at the positive sides of those and accepted to myself that life goes on, and indeed without those trials, I would never ever be where I'm now. And that they had helped me to become stronger. And again, I'm proud of it. I was never lost at all, and I thank God for that. I touched the rosary then that was hanging on my rearview mirror, and told myself that "this is the day that I feel I'm reborne, and no one will disrupt the serenity I'm feeling."

My heart is still healing right now, quietly and right. and I don't want anyone to cross over the process of healing I'm undertaking at this time. I try to focus and not go astray. It's quite surprising that I have no temptations to go out that much. It might sound boring and laid back, but yes, I try to be a homebody now. With this peaceful life I'm living, I'm doing my study for the upcoming exams. Being in the midst of organizing myself to focus more on my review, it's hard, especially having not studied for like 2 years already, plus I have work. But I'm determined to achieve my dreams and I believe in myself that I can do it. No one can stop me. This is it I guess. I found serenity and I'm hoping I'll stay in this homeostasis as I proceed.